Up close and personal.

When I started the blog back in 2010, I started to remember not only how much I loved writing, but also how much I loved photography. As the blog progressed, I also noticed that my photography skills were improving, naturally. However, last year, I attended BlogHer Food in Seattle, and realized I had a ways to go as far as photography was concerned. The first thing being if I was going to take this food blogging thing seriously, I should invest in a DSLR camera. So I did a bunch of research, and went with the Nikon D3100, which I adore and would recommend to anyone.

When I got the camera, I didn’t bother to read the manual – I’m just not a “manual” person – I’m a hands-on learner – and I just started snapping photos. The first photo I took was this one, of my cat. Not too shabby for a first try.

my first muse.

As I continued snapping away, I noticed that this camera did produce significantly better photos that my old point-and-shoot, however there was so much more it could do that I had yet to understand. I enrolled in a two-hour seminar at a local photography studio, which was helpful and rather enjoyable, however it was not enough time to really learn what this baby was capable of. So, I decided to sign up for real photography class.

It’s only one class in, and I already know it was the best decision I could have made. Our first assignment was an extreme close-up. I decided, again, to use my cat as my model. I took this shot the other day.

you shall not pass.

So, the point I’m trying to make here is that a great camera does make a difference, but a little education really goes a long way. Rome wasn’t built in a day – and certainly not by someone who was just pushing buttons with no real clue what they were doing.

 

 

Chocolate Enlightenment.

“Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use”. ~ Carlos Castaneda 

I just returned from a vacation to Belgium – Brussels, to be exact. While I was there, I was also able to take the train over to England and visit my brother. It was extremely cold, yet the entire time, my heart was extremely warm – because in the end, I was doing exactly what I most wanted to be doing.

the whimsy of Brussels.

Back in August, I booked a trip – an African safari. It sounded super cool – yet while I was booking it, something was causing me hesitation. I couldn’t put my finger on it – I wrote it off as fear, and I laugh in the face of fear! Or do I?

Anyway, as the trip got closer, I started thinking that I might not want to go. I began asking myself why. It sounded really cool, it would be super brave of me to go by myself to Africa, and I told everyone I was doing it! So what was the problem?? Was I afraid to go alone? Was it too close to Christmas? I thought these must be the reasons (along with getting shots – I HATE needles) so I decided I’d try and exchange the trip or possibly postpone it, with the hopes that I’d want to go at a later date.

Well, that was not in the cards – the agency I booked with refused to give me any options, saying it was too close to the trip and the policy stated I was entitled to $0 refund at this point. Yes, the policy did say that – no argument there. But having worked in customer service for many years, I had figured they’d be willing to work with me to either postpone or change the trip to something else, being they’d want to keep my business. No dice. They were of no help whatsoever. I had nearly given up, and thought I’d have to just either suck it up and go, or eat the loss and suffer shame over my fear – until something caught my eye. I noticed that my flight connected in Brussels, both ways. I’ve never been to Brussels, but I do love chocolate, and when looking on the map, it was also a short train ride to London, so if my brother was free, I could visit him, too. Thinking upon it further, I realized I could do a chocolate shop walking tour of Brussels, just like the Paris Patisserie Tour I did last summer! I quickly emailed my brother, who called me back immediately (which is rare, for him, ha ha) and he said I should definitely come out. Kismet.

there is beauty on even the coldest of days.

Next thing I know, I’m buying train tickets, booking a hotel, and researching the best chocolate shops in Brussels. I wound up with a mapped out tour of 10 shops, and wouldn’t you know, I was able to hit all 10. The next few posts will be dedicated to the Chocolate Shop Tour of Brussels, so stay tuned!

a sneak preview of the tour.

I was nervous though – there were a lot of “what ifs” on this trip – what if the weather is really bad? What if I can’t figure out how to get up to NY for the flight? What if one of my trains is cancelled (would it cause a giant domino effect of missed transfers)? What if my flight gets delayed or cancelled? What if my brother is waiting for me and I have no way to call him? What if I have to check my bag, and it goes to Africa? And the biggest one of all – what if everyone thinks I’m a wimp for not going on the safari?

Well, as the trip came to be, I decided the best thing to do was to just take each step as it came. I made the flight. My bag made it to Brussels. I made my train (all of them, in fact). The weather was bad at times, but it had no effect on anything, including my inexplicable light heart. I ate a ton of chocolate, and had some really great laughs with my brother, who I miss terribly already.

taken on one of our escapades in a town called Norwich.

On the way home, I replayed the trip in my mind, and realized I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I was eating chocolate. I was taking photographs. I was writing. I was spending time with my favorite person in the world. Yeah, it was 20 degrees outside, but I hardly noticed. When you’re following your heart, nothing else really matters.

it don’t mean it’s the end, cause you can’t see ’round the bend.

It wasn’t fear or shots or Christmas that ultimately changed my destiny – it was doing exactly what I wanted to do, regardless of what anyone thought. And THAT is the bravest thing of all.

 

All is Quiet…

Happy 2013, folks! It’s New Year’s Day – time for reflections, reorganization, and resolutions. I always believed that the tone of New Year’s Day laid the groundwork for the tone of the coming year. It could very well be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but either way, it does seem to hold some truth. So if this day, today, is in fact any indication of the coming year, I’ve got some things to look forward to! 2012 was a good year – a learning year; full of positive changes and some real quality time getting to know myself (allow myself, to introduce…myself).

It’s funny, but the first half of last year seems like a lifetime ago. The year really seemed to take shape for the good around mid-summer (which I aptly have nicknamed “Summer New Year’s), right after my return from the Paris Patisserie Tour. The trip changed me. It showed me that I can wander around a foreign city and be perfectly fine; it showed me that I don’t need my cell phone/laptop/facebook nearly as much as I thought; it showed me that I would be good whether with or without someone; it showed me that I really do have some actual writing and photography skills and that maybe the dream of being a writer was not so far-fetched after all; and most of all, it showed me that the world is a beautiful place and we are all in this together.

I went to Paris looking for pastries, and found myself.

After I returned, I wound up facing three of my biggest fears before the year’s end: two by choice, and one by force of nature (enter Hurricane Sandy). I’d say that 2012 was a benchmark year.

Last New Year’s Day, I danced around the house and sang raucously along with “You Get What You Give” and vowed to make that my intention for the year. Today, I didn’t dance quite so raucously, but I did get a little groove going, and thought about the pure and simple things in life, and how they are really what makes it all worthwhile.

dreams come bouncing in your head…

So here’s to a peaceful and harmonious 2013, full of love and greatness, pure and simple every time.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Seeing Stars.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post (Star-Glazing) about how I was asked to make chocolate covered star-shaped cake pops. Never one to turn down a challege, I accepted the task and enthusiastically dove right in. I Well, the time has come, and the pops have been made. But not without a bit of drama. I mean, that’s what being a star’s all about, right?

I should have taken a picture of the natural disaster-like conditions that had taken form in my kitchen. Chocolate was everywhere; cake was everywhere; sprinkles (those tiny little ball-shaped ones used on nonpareils) were everywhere and then some. I literally had to vacuum my kitchen (it has hardwood floors). Not to mention the lack of sleep. But ultimately, in the end, the huge mess was worth it. Through all the hard work, the sleepless nights, the cleaning up again and again, a star was born. Kinda like life.

These stars came in three varieties:

dark chocolate…

stars shining right above you…

…purple….

the stars are bright, and big at night.

…and pink.

pretty in pink, isn’t she…

Sometimes, wishes do come true – you just have to be willing to work for it…and have lots of patience..

 

Living, Loving, and Giving Thanks.

Like many others, I was thinking tonight about all I am thankful for. There is much – very very much. More than ever before, I reckon. There are a number of reasons why this is so, from being more aware, to being more open, to giving more of myself – to name a few of the biggies. However, when I think about what I’m most thankful for, one thing comes to mind – and it may come as a surprise to many people. But if it were not for this, I would not be who I am today.

I am thankful for having my heart broken.

Since this fateful event a year and 8 months ago, I believe I have learned more about myself than I had in the 35 years leading up to that day. I learned that being alone is not the same as being lonely. In fact, the opposite is true – it took being thrust unexpectedly into being alone to finally free me of feeling lonely. It allowed me to let people in – really let them in – which was something I could never do before. Sure, I had lots of friends, and some of them I even considered close - but I often felt that they never really knew me. Thanks to my broken heart, I finally was able to share the “real” me with others. And it has made all the difference.

I made a conscious decision to never let my heart close again – to keep sharing, and growing, giving (and forgiving), learning, and most importantly, loving.

I’m thankful everyday for the pure joy of being alive; and for all the friends and loved ones I have the honor of sharing this with. You’re all in my life for a reason, and for that I’m eternally grateful and unquestionably lucky.

And even though in my old age I’ve become more of a Buddhist than a Catholic, I would like close this post with my favorite quote from the Bible – something that’s gotten me through many tough days, and maybe will do the same for some of you – good old Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone. My world is a better place because of you.

 

Ramblings of an Astraphobic.

she came in through the kitchen window.

I live right outside of Philadelphia, and we are right now in the midst of Hurricane Sandy, the biggest storm to hit this area in my lifetime (that I can recall). Not only is this the biggest storm to ever hit this area, but it has come at a time in my life where there has been much change and growth. A storm of sorts hit my personal life about a year and a half ago – also the worst storm in my lifetime that I can recall. It knocked me on ass, so to speak. Everything I thought I knew – everything I believed in – all the walls I had carefully constructed over many, many years were gone, in one fell swoop. I woke up one day and realized I had no idea what the heck I was doing.

At the time, I was lost. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I asked “why me?” and “why do I have to work so much harder than everyone else?” Of course, I was wallowing, which is what we do when we don’t know what else to do. Thankfully, that phase didn’t last and I began to realize that now was the perfect time to do whatever I wanted to do. The walls were gone – the life I knew was gone. I was given a chance to rebuild, and I could do it however I wanted. I started taking yoga; I read some truly inspiring books; I found myself a mentor (or shoud I say, he found me); I started paying attention to the world around me. I realized that I had been surrounded by amazing people all along, if I had only opened my heart up enough to let them inside. So I finally did. Instead of tightly sewing it back up after it had been broken, I allowed it to stay open.; and it has made all the difference.

None of this was easy. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life. But I would not trade it for anything. And I would even go as far as saying that I hope everyone can experience such a life-changing event. Having closed eyes and a closed heart is no way to go through life, son. Waking up isn’t always easy – but it’s worth it.

The reason I’m writing all this now, a year and a half later? Well, I’ve finally reached a good place. I’m awake. I’m alive. I love the world around me in a natural sense. I love the people in it. I am truly grateful for them, and the love in which they shower me with, unconditionally. You Get What You Give.

The storm is going to do what the storm is going to do. You will be ok. You are more than this. You will come out stronger. And so will I; as we all are part of each other.

So tell that person you haven’t talked to in a while that you miss them. Call that old friend you’ve lost touch with. Stop waiting and tell someone how you really feel about them.

“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” ~ Samuel Johnson

Stay safe, my friends. See ya on the other side – stronger and wiser.

 

Simply Irresistible.

Today, I was given a box of brownie mix as a gift You may find this odd, however I found it charming and perfectly fitting. I am, after all, a baker, and this was not your average brownie mix – it was Ghirardelli Chocolate Supreme Brownie mix.

the good stuff.

So, what did I do? You guessed it – went home and baked brownies. Nothing fancy. Nothing extra. Just Brownies, plain and simple. And delicious.

pure and simple every time.

Things don’t always have to be difficult. In fact, some of the best things in life are also the easiest; we just have a knack for making them much more complicated.

happiness is warm brownie.

So sit back, and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Sometimes the best things really are….THAT simple.

 

For the Love of Baking.

I was in the midst of making a cake today, and I was just about finishing up, and upon looking at my near-completed work, I started to smile. I couldn’t wait to present the finished product to the intended recipient. I then asked myself, “why do you love baking?” And I came up with a list of answers, from practical, to chemical, to emotional. I’ve shrunk it down to 5 main reasons and of course now I’m going to share the list with you.

The Top 5 Reasons I Love Baking (in no particular order):

1. Chemistry.

I have a little obsession with chemistry. I love experimenting, and seeing how things interact with other things. A little known fact about me – my original college major was, in fact, Chemistry. Eventually, the arts won out, but I never lost that love for all things chemical. And baking, in it’s most basic form, is pure chemistry.

you gotta have the right chemistry..

2. Art.

As I mentioned above, the arts eventually won me over and swayed me from becoming a full-blown chemist. Well, guess what, folks? Baking is equal parts chemistry AND art! I love creating, and the possibilities for crafting an artistic masterpiece are endless in the baking world – from an artisan bread to a fondant birthday cake.

the next Mona Lisa.

3. Fun.

Baking is fun. Kids love it. I mean, I remember begging my mom to help her bake cakes when I was a kid! Maybe it reminds us of our youth; maybe it’s all the sugar and sweetness; but whatever the reason, baking is not considered work for most people. It’s something you do in your leisure time. And something I do in the majority of that time. I crank up the stereo, and dance around the kitchen, mixing, folding, stirring…and even catching myself using my whisk as a faux microphone. (Did somebody say “youtube”?).

some fun now.

4. Delicious.

Baked goods taste good. A sugary sweet buttercream…a warm sourdough loaf…a simple pound cake…whatever it is, I want to eat it, and just writing this is making my mouth water.

resistance is futile.

5. Love.

There’s nothing better than seeing the look on someone’s face when you give them something you’ve hand-crafted in the kitchen yourself – whether it’s a surprise birthday cake, something someone specifically ordered, or something you just felt like making. Baking creates joy – for both the baker and the bake-ee. And that’s really what this life is all about.

you get what you give.

 

Fear and Baking in New Jersey.

At this very moment, I am hiding out in my house, with all the windows closed, obsessively checking the weather report. That’s because we are currently in the midst of a severe storm warning with a tornado watch. And this, my friends, is my biggest fear. Yes, I suffer from Lilapsophobia (sometimes considered Astraphobia) which is an irrational fear of tornadoes/hurricanes/severe storms (at least they have cool-sounding names). Since I arrived home a little over an hour ago, I’ve turned my stereo all the way up to block out the sound of the storms, texted/called about 10 friends in search of comforting words, and I can’t deny that the thought of sending a mass text to everyone in my contacts list had crossed my mind as well. My cat on the other hand, has been staring boldly out the window this entire time, not even flinching.

i find even just looking at this picture a bit terrifying.

I really can’t say for sure what’s the cause of this phobia – the only thing I can possibly think of is when I was 6 years old, the shed in our backyard blew right up into the air during some random storm. That shed was pretty flimsy though, so I’m not surprised when I think back, but I suppose at the time, this could have been somewhat traumatic. It’s not like anyone was in or near the shed though, so who knows.

So what does this have to do with baking? Absolutely nothing, other than the fact that I am a baker and I also suffer from this phobia. But on that note, I baked an apple cake the other night, which turned out to be most delicious (so I was told), and as there is still some left and I’m afraid to leave my house, I think I’ll have a glass of wine and eat the rest of it tonight in an attempt to remain calm.

an apple cake a day keeps the storms away.

It’s working.

 

 

What is Survive?

I heard a little boy ask his dad that very question this morning while running the LIVESTRONG Philly 10k race. The father was explaning to his son that they were running in honor of a friend of his, who had cancer. “He didn’t survive, ” the father said, to which the little boy responded, “What is Survive?”

I didn’t hear what the father answered, as I had already gone into my head, asking myself that very question. As I ran the rest of the race, I came up with a few answers:

1. It’s waking up for days in a row, feeling like you don’t want to get out bed, but doing it anyway, until the day you finally want to get up again.

2. It’s watching someone close to you suffer, knowing there’s nothing you can do about it, but be there for them, and allow them to inspire you to be better.

3. It’s being better.

4. It’s the voice that says “keep going” when you think you can’t take another step. You can.

5. It’s forgiving AND forgetting.

6. It’s enjoying, appreciating, and being grateful for the little miracles that are all around us and happen every day.

7. It’s constantly broadening your scope – you’re never too old to learn something entirely new.

8. It’s laughing, loving, and being with friends and family.

9. It’s taking full responsibiliy for yourself and your actions.

10. It’s living with your eyes open, being awake, aware, and alive.

11. It’s having fun while you’re at it. :)

A year ago today, I woke up and headed out to my first ever “official” race – The LIVESTRONG Philadelphia Challenge. It was a 10k, and I was anxious about running that distance. I was nervous, sad, and alone, and I cried on the way there. This morning, I headed out to that very same race, and again cried on the way- this time out of joy and amazement in the difference one year and 9 races can make in a person. Live strong and prosper, everyone. You’re worth it.